Back To Back

Well, it’s been a week since I saw the perverted doctor that touched my beer-belly, and I realize he didn’t really offer any sort of treatment (or good drugs!) for my neck and shoulder pain, other than not lifting and walking 45 minutes a day. I have not been lifting, and I’m walking as much as the weather will permit, and while the pain seems to come and go (sorta feels like whiplash), I’m beginning to think I would like some sort of therapeutic treatment.

When I injured my lower back (at the same workplace) 19 years ago, I found a wonderful chiropractor named Irene Lamberti. Her ad in the Marin County Yellow Pages screamed at me: “I take Worker’s Comp. cases!” Not knowing what else to do for a lower disc injury, I drove down, she examined me, and performed back and spine adjustments for me for about a year and a half. For free! (There was an unfortunate claim settlement I had to get a lawyer for, but that’s another story, another day...)

Irene was a very..Marin... healer. Very New Age (she hosted a “spiritual movement” show on PBS; see the photo above!), but effective, nice and a total babe! Initially I saw her 3 times a week, settling down to twice a week as I slowly got better.

She left the Bay Area many years ago, and I found out through Google that she and her...spiritual husband now reside in Idaho. Too bad! I would love for her to do her kind, healing magic on my poor back! Come on baby! Put those electro stimulators on my lower back! Climb over my back going for that oh so satisfying lower back crack! Pop it! Pop it!

I think I may start looking for a new chiropractor, and I hope I can find one that I can have confidence in. Also, it would help if they would agree to bill the State (my 1989 settlement gave me “reasonable lifelong back care”). But I fear 2 things:

1. I hate neck adjustments. Doesn’t feel good at all, and I tend to tense up during that procedure. It’s like wringing a chicken’s neck. It may be necessary though, due to the injury. Sure hope thousands of tiny blood vessels and capillaries don’t rip causing me to stroke out or even die!

2. Fear of farting. Yep. It happened to me and Irene one session. I was all relaxed, face planted through the hole in her chiropractic table and the sequence went exactly like this: “Crack!” - “Ugh!” - “Fart!” - “Cough!”. It all happened so fast....for some stupid reason I thought my...”cough” would cover up the sound of the offending fart. Thank goodness I was face down because I’m sure my face must have been crimson. I prayed I wasn’t...running rich..that day.

Speaking of farts, here’s something silent, but deadly (funny)!