I went to my annual teeth cleaning and exam yesterday and I’m happy to report that there are no major problems with my tooth that sorta hurts and wiggles. The tooth is crowned and the gums bleed at the slightest provocation, but my dentist thinks it’s ok - just sensitive gums. Praise Jesus.
For some reason, I flashed back on all of my previous dentists and I’m shocked that in all of my 51 years, I’ve only had a total of 4 dentists! Weird. I guess they are like restaurants in that if I like one, I stay with it. Not a bad trait, but they have all been characters and I feel the need to write about them. How exciting is that?!
Dr. Irwin - He was my childhood dentist that I saw probably up to age 20 or so...He did the deed for my whole family for years and the fact that he and my mom once dated creeps me out to this day. He was a bald guy with a very high pitched southern drawl. He would greet me by saying "Hi Gibert" (no "l") and I would crawl up into his chair and anxiously await the belt driven drill as it bored through my little, young teeth. I’ll never forget my first filling; he clamped a metal clamp on the offending tooth but he did not realize that he got a bit of my tongue in there, and assumed that my screams of pain were just a bad case of nerves. Until he saw the blood. "Sorry ‘bout that Gibert!" After every visit he would give me a coupon for a free ice cream cone at the drugstore on the first floor. Nothing beats repeat business!
Dr. Baker - He was my first California dentist and hands down my favorite. Aside from meticulous and skilled work, he also had a great sense of humor and absolutely loved the fact that I used to play in a disco band. He loved disco! It was actually fun to visit him, even if he was putting a $400 crown (back in the day!) on a decimated tooth. Once he gleefully announced to his assistant that he could "Make my alimony payment because Gil needs another crown!" I thought that was the funniest thing, and to this day I appreciate it. He went back to school in the late 80's and I haven’t seen him since. Great guy...
Dr. Mengele - Not really his name, but this guy was the worst goddamned dentist I have ever been to. He was a HMO dentist, so his thing was to get me out of that chair as quickly as possible. Body parts be damned. I should have known something was...wrong with this guy when he confessed to me that he "doesn't really like music". Christ! A warning sign I should of heeded! While Dr. Baker would spend hours beautifully crafting and grinding down my tooth for a lovely gold crown, this guy would literally grab my head and grind the poor tooth down in about 5 minutes. Once, after a particularly brutal grinding session, he said "It looks like I nicked your tongue a little bit...but it should heal quickly." WTF!!!! You bastard! There was also a dramatic moment when he was fitting the crown on my tooth and it went flying out of my mouth onto the floor. He retrieved it, washed it off in the sink and then put the damned thing back in my mouth. Smooth.
Dr. Friedman - He is my current dentist and he is the cousin of my boss. He likes music and does good work, but after I told him the story of Dr. Baker’s glee regarding my crown, he looked horrified! Jeez! Lighten up Doc! Those crowns are now more valuable than my stock portfolio!
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